


it's the way I'm feeling (I just can't deny)

by orphan_account



Series: One and Only [2]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Broshie, First Time, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:49:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, Johnny's choice had come down to Buffalo State or Boston College.</p><p>Or, in which there are first times, phone sex and T.J. Oshie. Not necessarily in that order. Sequel to promise i'm worthy (to hold in your arms).</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's the way I'm feeling (I just can't deny)

**Author's Note:**

> Title by Rhianna. Amazing beta by liketheroad <3

In the end, Johnny's choice had come down to Buffalo State or Boston College. Both college hockey teams wanted him badly. He chose Buffalo and then proceeded to get grilled by Kaner for a month straight as to whether this had to do with him. Johnny’s response the first ten times was, “Please, get over yourself” until he finally broke down and said, “A little, okay? But also my family. It’s not like they don’t have a good team and – I could always transfer, you know. Depending.”

They had left it at that and made out. Kaner was rather desperate that night, and they had both clinged to one another afterward. It was sappy as shit, but Johnny had needed it and seemed like Kaner had too. 

Marchy ended up in Boston (another reason Johnny had strongly considered it), naturally leaving Tyler behind. Marchy was rather miserable about it though, if the constant text messages Johnny got every day were any indication. Apparently Tyler wasn’t any better, according to David. 

Johnny certainly didn’t envy the long distance thing Marchy was going through. He himself was dorming because his mom said he should have a full American college experience. Johnny found he disliked American college students more than high schoolers, if that was possible. There was one guy, though, T.J. who he clicked with pretty well, both on and off the ice. 

He talked about T.J. sometimes and each time he noticed the way Kaner’s eyes flared. Especially when he mentioned how hot their line was already. The fourth time he’d brought T.J. up to Kaner, he had announced, “That’s it, I’m meeting this fucker.” 

They did, at Johnny’s first (and probably last) college party. Kaner didn’t exactly like that one of the guys on the team wanted to take a group photo and Johnny ended up on T.J.’s lap simply because there was nowhere to go, even though Johnny hadn’t left his side up until that point. Kaner arm wrestled with T.J. -- flat out _arm wrestled_ \-- in the kitchen before Johnny had to drag him away while Kaner was yelling, “Why don’t you fuck off _Broshie_ and get your own Canadian?” 

Johnny left him drunk on the bathroom floor, pissed as all hell. It was their first real fight since actually getting together and it lead to Kaner slumped outside his dorm room door, serenading him with Savage Garden songs -- a kick since his latest dance-off was To the Moon and Back - until Johnny finally took pity on him (but really, he just couldn’t stand to hear one more verse of Truly Madly Deeply. At least Hold Me had stopped early on) and let him in. 

“Don’t trade me in for a lesser model,” Kaner slurred, eyes bloodshot, staring up at Johnny from his pathetic sprawl on the floor. 

The words were earnest in their drunkenness and they broke through some of Johnny’s annoyance.

He knelt down to Kaner and put his hands on his shoulders, his face. “You asshole, I don’t want T.J. I want _you_ , even though I’m not sure why.”

Kaner smiled at him and held his hands out. “Look at me, I’m such a catch.”

Johnny kissed his forehead and slung an arm around his neck. “Moron.”

__________________

That was the first two weeks of his college experience. Since then, it’s been smooth sailing, except for Kaner’s latest kick of wanting to ‘prepare’ for the possibility of them having to pull a Marchy/Tyler type situation. 

Johnny calls him on it when they only see each other once in the past two weeks (Kaner had kept coming up with excuses to the point that Johnny thought maybe he was getting dumped). 

“We don’t know where I’ll be next year or where you’ll be. Who knows, Buffalo might not want me, stranger things have happened. Or I could get into some Ivy League and ditch your ass.” 

Johnny snorts as Kaner continues. “Either way, we should like, see what it’s like, you know. To miss each other.”

“That’s so dumb,” Johnny says, letting Kaner’s voice wash over him. He really does miss him, the bastard. “I was at my parents doing laundry Saturday, ten minutes from you.”

“No, you weren’t, because I’m in sunny California working on my tan while you’re cold in Buffalo.”

Johnny rolls his eyes. “For the last time, November in Winnipeg would destroy you.”

“Whatever, Canada, I could take it. We should have phone sex.”

Johnny sputters. Sometimes he feels like he has whiplash from the way Kaner constantly bounces from topic to topic in their phone conversations. He’s getting more used to talking on the phone in general but he’s not sure he’ll ever be used to Kaner’s randomness.

Despite his current befuddlement, his dick leaps a little. “Why would we do that when you could come over here? I have a _single_ Kaner. A fact that you were obsessed with a few weeks ago.”

“Mmm, so put that privacy to good use and tell me what you want to do to me.”

“Patrick—“

“Since I’m in California and all and we haven’t seen each other for a month,” Kaner says, pointedly, willing Johnny to get with the program here.

“This is so stupid,” Johnny mutters, even as he strokes his hand over his crotch.

“Come on, Johnny,” Kaner says, softly. “I want you.”

“Want you too,” Johnny grits out. His cock begins to fill as he closes his eyes and remembers the last time Kaner went down on him, swallowing every last drop. Johnny had licked the taste of his own come out of his mouth and Kaner had moaned against him. 

“Fuck,” he sighs in defeat, arousal overtaking him.

“Fuck, you sound so hot. I want…”

“Tell me,” Johnny says, opening his jeans with one hand and lifting his hips, working his pants down just enough. He sighs when his hand slips inside his boxers, finding his cock hard and hot and wanting. 

“I want you to fuck me,” Kaner finishes, voice low and almost dreamy that Johnny nearly gasps.

“Patrick…”

“Unless you have something against my ass,” Kaner responds, voice now petulant. “I’m starting to think you might.”

“I don’t! What even, Kaner? I’m starting to lose my boner here.”

“You’re hard?” Kaner asks, surprise evident in his voice.

“Uh, _duh_.”

“Shit, that’s hot.”

“Wasn’t that the point?’

Kaner groans. “Shut up, Johnny. And… I dunno, you just haven’t seemed to want to, okay? I thought maybe when you graduated or something – that could’ve been your big celebration gift to yourself but nada, zero, zilch. My ass has gotten no play.”

“I… just wanted us to have more privacy, okay?” Johnny mumbles, embarrassed. “And then I guess I didn’t know how to ask you once I moved into the dorm.”

Kaner laughs, sounding a little frantic. “How about ‘Kaner, I wanna deflower you?’ That would have worked.”

“Why didn’t I think of that,” Johnny says dryly.

“I’m a genius, baby, what can I say?”

“Don’t call me baby.”

Kaner laughs again. “You couldn’t get enough of it when you were sucking me off last time.”

Johnny feels his cheeks flame. “Yeah, well, that’s different.”

“Mmmhmm, keep telling yourself that _baby_.”

“Seriously, Kaner, ugh,” Johnny groaned.

“Can we get back to fucking me, please?”

Johnny’s cock leapt beneath his palm, which he’d settled for half-heartedly groping. “Uh, well I. I want to.”

He hears Kaner’s breathing hitch and it makes Johnny bite his lip. “Tell me, come on,” he pants.

“God, I dunno, Kaner, I…we’re in my room obviously and… maybe you’re on top of me, no. I’m on top of you and you’re… doing that thing where you just arch beneath me, trying to get more, kiss me harder. Fuck, I love that.”

“Shit, yes, and you’re just grinding your dick against me, right?”

“You know it,” Johnny breaths out. “Maybe I… maybe I’m… touching you there.”

“F-fingering me?”

Johnny gasps and his hand flies over his cock, biting down on his lip as the images dance beneath his closed eyelids. “Yeah… do… Patrick, do it for me?”

“Way ahead of you, man,” comes the broken reply. 

Johnny feels his pre-come leak from the head of his cock and he knows this will be over far too soon. “Oh my god, why aren’t you here?”

“Past curfew now, anyway,” Kaner says, gasping.

“I don’t give a shit, I’d sneak you in,” he groans thumbing the head of his cock. 

“You rebel, you.”

“How many?” Johnny asks, hoping he wouldn’t have to elaborate.

“Two… been practicing some. And if I drop the phone it’s because you’re balanced between my neck and my ear, man.”

“Don’t,” Johnny says quickly. “Don’t, I wanna hear you, I know you’re gonna lose it any second.”

“Fuck you, I’m – ah, fuck, alright, I am. Tell me you’re inside me.”

Sparks go off behind Johnny’s eyes and he feels his balls tighten. “I’m... I am, I’m fucking you, Kaner, and you’re… you feel so tight…”

“ _Johnny_.”

“Do it,” Johnny gasps, lifting his hips. 

“Oh fuck,” Kaner moans, loudly, probably too loud but Johnny can’t care, he just speeds up his hand, tightens his grip, and comes all over his wrist and belly, nearly shouting Patrick’s name and god knows what else. 

For long moments, Johnny can only register the harsh breathing in his ear and the sound of his heart pounding of his chest.

“Damn,” Kaner said, sounding awe-struck.

Johnny grins to himself, feeling rather self-satisfied. 

“ _Damn_ ,” Kaner says again.

“Pretty good, eh?” Johnny asks, unable to help the smugness in his voice.

“Ugh, yes, you egomaniac.”

“Mmm,” Johnny hums. “Good for me too,” he adds, quietly.

“Yeah?” Kaner asks, modestly. 

“Come over Saturday,” Johnny says in reply.

“Fuck, yes.”  
_________________________

Johnny feels nervous anticipation pool in his belly when a knock sounds at his door Saturday afternoon. They talked every day for the rest of the week, but had only had phone sex the once. He opens the door and is greeted to Kaner’s ridiculous smile and shining eyes. “Hey.”

Kaner steps inside and as soon as the door is closed Johnny is enveloped in a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Johnny repeats, in an entirely different tone this time, almost questioning. They didn’t normally, like, hug. Johnny isn’t really sure what to do with his hands. He settles them around Kaner’s back and sighs as Kaner pushes his nose against Johnny’s neck.

“Missed you,” Kaner says softly and Johnny feels a jolt of surprise at the words words. Then Kaner continues, “California is lonely without you,” and Johnny feels half-disappointed and half-amused at Kaner’s persistence to keep up this role play. Well, two could play at that game.

“Missed you too,” he growls and if the words were utterly true, only he needed to know that. Then he picks Kaner up and walks him back against the door, fitting their mouths together while Kaner laughs in surprise against his mouth. 

Kaner’s legs wrap tight around Johnny’s waist and their mouths slide together easily, tongues brushing together while Johnny pushes him harder into the door.

“God,” Kaner gasps, clawing at his back and kissing him harder. 

They make out against the door, grinding their bodies together until Kaner starts slipping and Johnny decides to walk them back toward the bed instead, landing gracefully without so much as a trip.

“You’re too good at everything, okay, it’s annoying,” Kaner says from his position straddling Johnny’s thigh.

“You love it,” Johnny says, lifting his upper body to chase Kaner’s mouth before winding up flat on his back with Kaner grinding against him and sucking on his tongue. They grope for a few moments before Kaner pulls back, bouncing onto his side next to Johnny and running a hand through his hair. 

“Wanna play some video games?”

“Uh…” Johnny says, dumbly, staring at Kaner’s face. He looks – nervous. Oh.

“Um, yeah. Cool.”

He gets up to get the controllers and adjusts himself, turning back to find Kaner doing the same, his cheeks flushed and his hair a mess. 

Johnny sighs and starts up a game of Super Mario, trying not to think about how hot Kaner looks when he’s wrecked like that, how red his lips get when Johnny kisses him.

They play, their thighs touching and they’re both into it as usual, so much that Johnny nearly forgets his hard-on until their eyes meet in a sneaking glance at one point about twenty minutes in. They both breathe in before reaching for each other, throwing the controllers aside. Kaner climbs back on top of him and Johnny slides his hands beneath his jeans and boxers, palming his ass and holding him close. 

“I want your dick in me,” Kaner gasps, any trace of earlier nerves clearly gone given the assertiveness in his voice. 

“I bought… stuff. Well, I’ve had it,” Johnny pants, mouthing his way along Kaner’s neck.

“Of course you did,” Kaner laughs, voice fond and Johnny’s pulse speeds up.

“Table near the bed,” he tells him and Kaner leans over.

“Do we need the condoms?” he asks after dropping the lube on the bed and moving back to straddle Johnny, the condoms still in his hand.

Johnny frowns up at him. “We should. It’s only safe.”

“Yeah well, if I was gonna get mouth herpes from you or something, that would have already happened and vice versa. No one’s been in my ass before.”

Johnny reaches up to Kaner’s jeans and unbuttons them. “Still, Kaner, we should.”

Kaner rolls his eyes but leans into the touch. “Fine, don’t come in my ass, see what I care.”

Johnny rolls his eyes right back and pushes his jeans down as far as he can before Kaner lifts up and takes it from there. “Keep this shit up and I won’t do it at all.”

Kaner snorts and throws his jeans to the other side of the room before sliding back on top of Johnny, linking his arms around his neck. “I’d like to see you stop.”

Johnny surges forward and kisses him, hard and biting, pulling his shirt off as Kaner does the same. “God, you’re such an ass.”

“Mmm, an ass you want.” Kaner sucks in a breath as Johnny’s hands dip beneath his boxers. 

They grind against each other, kissing the entire time, clad only their boxers. Johnny sucks on Kaner’s lower lip and loves feeling the uneven puffs of breath against him.

Johnny flips them over and kisses his way down Kaner’s body, mouthing his dick through his boxers before taking him in his mouth and making Kaner gasp and grope for his hair. Johnny loves doing this. Moreover, he loves how into it Kaner always is, how he can break him apart with just his mouth. He fumbles around for the lube and gets it open without halting his rhythm. He squeezes some onto one palm and then coats his fingers, his throat bobbing while Kaner moans and runs his fingers through Johnny’s hair.

“Spread your legs,” Johnny says as he pulls off, nuzzling Kaner’s dick with his lips, his voice thick.

Kaner does, his dick twitching at the words. Johnny settles in between them on his knees and goes back to sucking his dick while his fingers circle Kaner’s hole, teasing.

“Come on,” Kaner whines and Johnny’s lips stretch around him before he pushes inside, just barely. Kaner tenses a little before relaxing. Johnny hums around his dick and pushes in deeper, listening to Kaner gasp and feeling his hips lift slightly. 

Johnny moves down to mouth Kaner’s balls while working him with one finger before going for two. He curls them just so, until Kaner gasps and shakes above him, clawing at whatever he can reach of Johnny. Johnny sucks a trail of kisses up Kaner’s thigh and listens to him sigh before shifting back up to cover him, withdrawing his fingers. Johnny flips them over so Kaner’s on top, their bodies fitting together, frantically rubbing. 

“Johnny?”

“What?” he gasps out, biting at Kaner’s lips while his fingers slide down to tease over his crack before inching back inside. 

“Johnny,” Kaner mumbles.

“Yeah,” Johnny says, on automatic, just going for it now as he works a third finger inside while Kaner spreads his legs wider. 

“Do me,” Kaner pants against his lips. 

Johnny laughs, breathlessly, feeling it punched out of him. “All my life I’ve waited to hear those words,” he deadpans. 

Kaner literally giggles against his mouth and Johnny’s heart does a flip. “Like you’ll get a better offer.” 

Johnny snorts. “I could get a better offer just stepping outside the door.” 

He waits for Kaner to pull back and inevitably pout before adding, “But yours is the only one I want.” 

“Sucker,” Kaner grins, pulling Johnny’s lower lip between his teeth. 

Johnny fucks him a little harder with his fingers, making Kaner buck against him, feeling his leaking cock against his thigh before pushing at his body a little. “Come on,” he breathes, moving so he’s on his side. 

Kaner follows suit while Johnny grabs the condom. Kaner groans in disappointment but Johnny ignores him and rolls it on. He opens the lube again, spreading it generously on the condom. 

Kaner watches him, amused. “I think you’re overdoing it.” 

“Whatever.” 

Johnny settles so he’s half over Kaner’s back, on their sides. Kaner has one leg bent at the knee, hitched higher on the mattress and Johnny mouths at the back of his neck while teasing his hole with the head of his cock until Kaner has a white knuckled grip on the sheets and is grunting out, “I’m gonna fucking come if you don’t get inside me already.” 

Johnny grins and kisses his shoulder before slowly pushing in. He hears Kaner gasp and covers his hand with his own. 

“Okay?” 

Kaner nods, jerkingly. “Yeah. S’good.” 

Johnny smiles and bites at Kaner’s earlobe, palming his way down his back an over his ass before pushing in deeper, feeling Kaner open up for him. 

“Jesus Christ,” Johnny gasps at the feel of hot, tight heat around his cock. 

“Yeah?” 

Johnny laughs, incredulously. “Yeah, Patrick.” 

Kaner squeezes his hand while Johnny presses him into the mattress, sliding in to the hilt, his balls flush against Kaner’s ass. 

“I’m gonna...” Johnny starts and Kaner just nods, arching back to find Johnny’s mouth. 

Their tongues meet as Johnny starts moving, shallowly at first and then longer, harder. Their hands are sticky; so is Kaner’s back but Johnny doesn’t care, just covers him even more and slams his hips against Kaner’s. 

“Oh mon dieu, mon dieu,” Johnny mutters against Kaner’s neck, his hips snapping forward again and again, finding his rhythm. 

Kaner pushes back against him and moans. “God, that’s so hot.”

“What?” Johnny asks, dragging his teeth along Kaner’s neck, feeling breathless. 

“You’re... french.”

“Huh?” Johnny can’t even think straight right now with Kaner clenching around him, much less decipher what Kaner’s trying to say. 

“You lapsed into French.” 

Johnny pauses and blinks down at him, causing Kaner to whine and grab at his hip, trying to keep him moving. 

“I did not,” Johnny protests. 

Kaner laughs, a broken sound that goes right to Johnny’s dick. “Yes, you did, man. And don’t stop, this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.” 

Kaner angles his hips backward, fucking himself a little on Johnny’s cock while Johnny groans. 

“You do it all the time,” Kaner continues, voice thick with arousal. “On the ice, when you’re concentrating so hard on your homework. Which is _always_.” 

“Jesus.” 

“Come on, say something dirty,” Kaner whines, still moving. 

“ _No_ ,” Johnny grits out, holding Kaner’s hips still and taking a deep breath to calm his dick down. 

“Come on, it’ll be so hot.”

“Tu es comme un cinglé” he whispers in Kaner’s ear. 

“Nghhh... ugh, wait you’re probably calling me a douche.” 

Johnny laughs. “Quelque chose comme ça.” He starts fucking Kaner slowly now. 

Kaner moans loudly and Johnny hopes he found his prostate. He never wants to do anything half-assed; it’s not how he’s built. It’s possible he looked into the whole thing quite a lot. Kaner really didn’t need to know that T.J. had also recommended some specific gay porn videos. 

“I take it back,” Kaner gasps, letting go of Johnny’s hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. “Now I just wanna know what you’re fucking saying.” 

“Tu es si chaud comme cela, je ne peux même pas le manipuler,” Johnny against him, starts fucking him harder now, giving it his all. Kaner’s loose and tight around him all at once. 

“I hate your ass,” Kaner pants. 

“Qui est une honte parce que j'aime ton cul et comment il se sent autour de ma bite. Dieu, Patrick.” 

“Oh my fucking god,” Kaner gasps, pushing back to meet each thrust. Johnny can see his hand flying over his cock and knocks it away, replacing it with his own. 

“Johnny,” Kaner moans, tilting his head back against Johnny’s shoulder while Johnny fucks him short, hard thrusts, kissing his face, neck, wherever he can reach. 

“Si bon,” Johnny says, voice a low rumble. He squeezes his eyes shut and bite down on his own lip. “Si bon, Patrick.” 

“Oh fuck,” Kaner groans and lets out a sharp cry, tensing around Johnny and shaking apart as his orgasm hits. 

Kaner’s still moaning as Johnny milks his cock and Johnny starts to lose his rhythm. He jerks against Kaner, hips snapping forward while Kaner knocks his hand away and fits their palms together. Johnny comes harder than he can remember. 

“Mon dieu,” he sighs as the final aftershocks subside. 

Kaner shudders in his arms as they pant together, before laughing. “Save the french for the next time we fuck. Or phone sex. Why didn’t I think of that before?” 

Johnny rolls his eyes and pulls out slowly. Kaner whines as he slips free and it’s almost ridiculous how much Johnny wants to be back inside him. He gets rid of the condom while Kaner lies there like a lump. 

“Here.” He tosses Kaner some tissues and climbs back in, pressing up behind him. 

“Mmm, let’s take a nap. I had a long trip from California, after all.” 

Johnny shoots him a mocking expression but settles in beside him. Kaner, however, turns and curls up against Johnny’s side. Johnny’s heart thumps loudly and he slips his arms around Kaner’s waist. It feels … planned, not like when they’ve passed out together before. He kind of loves it, actually. 

They wake up about two hours later and make-out sleepily, dry mouths and bad breath be damned. Then he makes Kaner a quesadilla while they sit on the floor playing Trouble because Kaner believes every human, no matter what age, should own the game. Kaner’s sitting gingerly on a pillow because, “As awesome as that was, this aftermath kinda sucks, man.” 

“Is this even legal?” Kaner asks after Johnny beats him for the second time, nodding towards the quesadilla maker and munching around his food. 

Johnny just shrugs. He knows Kaner likes them, so whatever. 

Kaner smirks at him. “You really are a rebel huh?” 

“Only for you,” Johnny says and then clamps his mouth shut, realizing just how sincere, how heartfelt, that came out. 

Kaner blinks at him a little and Johnny looks away, setting up the game again, his cheeks blooming with heat. 

“I love you,” Kaner blurts out and Johnny’s head snaps up. 

Kaner looks like he’s about to throw up. 

“And I’m not just saying that because you just fucked my brains out, okay?” 

Johnny scrunches up his nose. That was Kaner: crass yet ridiculously hot at the same time. Johnny should have t-shirts made up. 

“So. You know,” Kaner finishes, waving his hand awkwardly. 

Johnny stares at him, takes in the honest vulnerability there. 

“Okay,” he says calmly, even though he feels anything but. 

Kaner frowns. “Okay?” 

Johnny nods, his stomach flipping. 

“Okay,” Kaner repeats, dully, ducking his head. 

He angrily reaches for his game piece and Johnny’s lips twitch, unable to keep this up a minute longer. 

“Hey.” 

Kaner raises his head along with an eyebrow, looking terribly unimpressed. 

Johnny feels his smile begin to grow. “Je t’aime, Patrick,” he says, voice low, chest so full it might burst. 

Kaner’s eyes widen. 

“You asshole,” he says in disbelief, before lunging at Johnny. 

They lose some of the pieces beneath them and there’s nearly a fire hazard as they make-out frantically on the floor, but Johnny can’t really be bothered to care.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to hear Johnny saying Kaner's name while speaking French and being his uber hot, perfect self, go [here](http://enbeauce.tv/video/221/Jonathan-Toews-partage-son-succ%C3%A8s-avec-les-Beaucerons). In act, zarathuse's whole post [here](http://zarathuse.tumblr.com/post/23255156246/tazer-speaking-his-weird-monotone-french) (which I finally decided to consume this past weekend) is glorious and basically inspired part of this story.
> 
> Apologies for any imperfections in the French. That's what I get for using google translate.


End file.
